When Lonely Hearts Connect
by xXAngel ShadowXx
Summary: A Retelling of the Egoist story from both Nowaki and Hiroki's perspectives. Canon to the anime version, and maybe later on specific parts of the manga. Plz Review.
1. Chapter 1

*~* When Lonely Hearts Connect *~*

Author's note: Yet another Egoist fic, and it's no sequel to "For the love of an egoist" I'm afraid. Simply a retelling of the events in the anime version from both Nowaki's and Hiroki's perspectives,changing throughout each chapter. I've never really attempted anything like this before. I might later include chapters from the manga at random intervals, but only if I get good feedback from what I post of it here. Mostly, it will be canon to the anime version of JR. Some of the dialogue may divert from the anime a tad bit, but not much. I hope you enjoy, and i implore you ppl; REVIEW!

**Hiroki's Perspective**

_I can't take this anymore..._

_I was the one who seduced him..._

Hiroki Kamijou was sitting alone in the park, fighting back tears. Around him children ran and laughed happily, without a care in the world. It was almost mocking how indifferent the atmosphere was to this man, who felt like his heart was shattering to pieces.

Painful flashs of the night before seared through his memory like sharp jabs of a knife. But not only did the images return, but also, the words;

_All you need is a blindfold..._

_It'll be as though your beloved Akihiko was right here in your arms..._

The words; lust-filled, with just a touch of smugness; self certainty. Indeed, Hiroki's ego had taken over him that night. He was sure of himself, sure once he had given himself completely to the one he loved so dearly, that his feelings would finally ring clear with him.

Hiroki recalled himself leaning forward, his hands sliding up on either side of Akihiko's face, pulling him in for the kiss he'd longed for, for so long.

_My high-handed naivety...pathetic really. I should have realized, but instead I had to go lose control, and now I know the truth...he can never ever love me...and that's the way it is..._

_...will always be._

As much as he tried to fight it, as much as he longed to forget, there was no forgetting...the way Akihiko's cold, beautiful hands had tangled themselves in his chestnut-colored locks. The love that had roused within him...he was just about to say them. Confess at long last. This had to be the moment that his waiting would end. He could practically picture the words rolling off his tongue. _I love you, Akihiko..._

But that wasn't what happened.

Hiroki cringed as the word floated back, hazy yet distinct at the same time. The word he'd dreaded hearing most. The word he had desperately been trying to make Akihiko forget, leave behind forever. The word he'd wanted erased like figures on a chalkboard. Nonexistant; gone.

_Takahiro..._

It was all in that moment, he finally understood. There was no hope. Only his own selfishness, his own desire. But now, there was only pain. The pain of knowing that even though Takahiro would never be Akihiko's, in his heart, there would only be room for him. Him; no one else.

_All that's left now is the memory of his touch._

_My love will never be returned..._

A tear rolled down his cheek to splatter on the front of his hand. Hiroki started. His eyes were now swimming with tears.

_Oh Jesus...now I'm crying...I can't believe I'm this pathetic. _

There was no point in staying there any longer. He knew that much. He figured he'd just go back to his apartment and curl up into a fetal position and stay there forever.

Hiroki was just about to get up and leave when he heard a whirring noise somewhere above him, steadily growing louder and closer. He slowly turned his head upwards in the direction of the sound and screamed as a large model rocket crashed in the ground at his feet.

"GYAAAAAHHHH!" He cried in alarm. "W-what the hell?"

**Nowaki's Perspective**

_Hmmm...I think it landed somewhere over there._

Kusama Nowaki was walking across the grass, away from the spot where he'd launched the rocket. He laughingly told his elderly companions that he would retrieve it this time, and had went off in the direction he thought it had fallen.

It was Yama-san's 70th birthday today. _Amazing how time flies..._ Nowaki had thought to himself earlier that day. It was flying for him as well. He was working six part time jobs and just barely finding time to study for his high school GED exam. His life was pretty hectic at the moment, but he'd still founf some time in his busy schedule to throw the party for Yama-san. knowing that he'd always wanted to be an astronaut. They must have looked so silly, four older men and one teenager launching off rockets, but Nowaki didn't mind. It was nice to have a little fun now and then. He glanced this way and that for the rocket. _Man, I wonder where the heck it landed? _He thought. Then, he looked up and saw it; the pointed top had lodged itself in the ground at someone's feet. He briskly walked towards it and lifted it off the ground.

From the corner of his vision he saw someone looking alarmedly up towards him. He lifted his eyes in that person's direction...

...and froze.

Sitting before him was a man, somewhere in his early 20s, Nowaki guessed, and he had...tears in his eyes. He apparently noticed Nowaki's surprise because he furiously began wiping his face with his sleeve.

_He's...the most beautiful thing I've ever seen..._Nowaki thought dreamily. He had wide, chocolate-colored eyes, matching hair that was slightly ruffled from the wind. A smooth, flawless face, with a slightly pointed chin. Nowaki had never been more captivated by the mere sight of another human being. His face was a little red and swollen from crying, but it only made him look more beautiful in Nowaki's eyes. It was the most indescribable thing. Nowaki almost never thought about love or even dating. He simply had no time...but this was different. It wasn't just that he was beautiful...that surprised, startled expression that this person had on his face...the tears flowing down his cheeks... it was drawing Nowaki in. Moving his soul. Never had he wanted so badly to wipe away anyone's tears, scoop him up in his arms, and make everything okay for him. He wanted to hold this person, comfort this person...it didn't matter that they were both men. The question didn't even pop into his mind of whether it was strange or bizzare for him to feel this way about a man.

And it didn't take long for him to see it...to identify these feelings that were blooming in his heart.

He had fallen in love...at first sight.

But, rather than capturing this person in his arms and carrying him away, he reached out and grabbed his arm, his heart pounding wildly, but not enough to make him hesitiate.

"Nice to meet you, I'm Kusama Nowaki." He briefly said, introducing himself. He then procedding to drag him away, and this is where common sense began to intervene.

_What the heck do you think you're doing? You can't actually just steal him away! Just what the heck are you planning to do? Don't you think you should think this through a little?_

And indeed, his concious wasn't the only one expressing indignation and bewilderment at that time. The heavenly angel he had discovered was shouting at him from behind.

"Oy! Where the hell do you think you're taking me? Let me go already! What's up with you?"

_His voice..._ Nowaki's swooned inside his mind. _My God...he's so precious...say something back! Anything!_

But he could'nt manage to find the words. He simply kept a firm grip on the man's arm and practically dragged him over to where Yama-san and his friends were sitting, having a few beers while Nowaki got the rocket. One of them saw him and shouted at him.

"Oy! Wacchan! Did you find the rocket?"

"A newcomer eh?" Another one said.

"Welcome! Come on over!" Yama-san said. "The more the merrier right?"

Before the bewildered man could protest, he was handed a beer and welcomed in by the small group.

"Cheers!" They all said happily, raising their cans in a toast.

"Uh..." Was all the brunette gave in response. Nowaki could tell he was a bit flustered by the whole thing, and he smiled warmly to himself. _I never thought it was possibly before...but this man...he's so...cute._

Acting largely on impulse again, he stepped toward him and rubbed his hair bit. The man stared at him, confusion in his gaze. Nowaki could see also, however, that he was no longer crying.

"It's all right." He said in a low, gentle voice. He hoped his smile wasn't too broad or obvious. He didn't want to creep this man out. Suddenly, Nowaki saw him blink slowly, once, his eyes wide, as though he were thinking about something of grave importance. It puzzled Nowaki, but he had little time to react to it. He was called over by one of the guests to launch the rocket again. Hesitantly, he decided maybe it was best to do that and let his beautiful discovery have a drink and cheer himself up. Giving the man a warm smile, he walked towards the rocket, unaware of the man's lost, confused gaze on his back. He smiled, thinking to himself._ I will make him mine. I have to...I never thought this could happen to me but..._

_...I've just never felt this way about anyone before._

Nowaki launched off the rocket a few more times while the man had a conversation with Yama-san and the others. Nowaki could'nt help overhearing the man introduce himself as Hiroki Kamijou. He also could'nt help overhear the men casually dub him as Hirotan. _Hiroki... _Nowaki thought to himself. _Beautiful...just like he is._ Nowaki could'nt help casting a few broad smiles in Hiroki's direction. He was half-hoping Hiroki was noticing his expression, and comprehending the meaning behind them. Nowaki was a very direct person at heart. He didn't like others to not be aware of his feelings or intentions. Nowaki could'nt help but feel his heart swell whenever Hiroki happened to turn into the light just the right way as he was talking, so that the light of the warm, November sun filled his eyes and turned them into liquid pools of amber. He sipped his beer gingerly as he spoke with Yama-san and the other guests, and just as Nowaki launched off the rocket for a fifth time, he caught sight of Hiroki looking his way, which made Nowaki tingle with happiness. He cast a warm, love-tinted glance back in his direction, But Hiroki didn't seem to notice anything odd about it. He went on sipping his beer and chatting. Nowaki sighed.

_Hiroki Kamijou...Hiroki..._

_Hiro-san..._

The name just popped into his head, but Nowaki loved the way it sounded. He knew the shortening of Hiroki's name was a bit informal and maybe a little too personal for casual use, especially since they had only first met, but then again, Yama-san had done it, dubbing him Hirotan, and he hadn't seemed offended...just a little confused. _Oh, he so cute when he's confused._ Nowaki thought cheerfully._ Hiro-san...__**my **__Hiro-san..._

_Hiro-san..._

End of first chappie. Hope you all liked. Plz review.


	2. Chapter 2

The second chapter. plz review!

**Hiroki's Perspective**

_Okay, I'm starting to get...really pissed off._

"Oy, is there something you want?" Hiroki called, failing to hide the slight irritation in his voice. This brat had been following him ever since he'd left the park for home, and quite frankly, it was beginning to annoy him. Hiroki had heard the whole said tale of how Nowaki had been left on the steps of an orphanage nineteen years ago and had basically grown up alone, and he'd of course sympathized. He was even a little grateful for the man inviting him into their company. It was better than wallowing alone in self-pity at least. However, it was already 5:00 now. Why the hell was this guy trailing him like a lost puppy?

The sky was a calming mixture of pink, red, and yellow hues, and the sun flared bright gold on the horizon. Could'nt this guy tell that the party was over, and leave him alone already?

Nowaki seemed a bit startled at the undertone of hostility in Hiroki's voice. "Er...well...I'm just worried is all. I mean, the way you were crying before..."

Hiroki flinched. "That's none of your buisness!" He barked angrilly, then after a slight pause, turned his back on the insistent teenager, who still wasn't leaving, apparently unphased by Hiroki's rudeness.

"I heard you say you're a Teito student," he called, following after Hiroki. "Please, won't you be my tutor?" He asked.

_W-what the hell? Is this guy for real?_

"Why me?" Hiroki replied flatly, beginning to feel as though he would never shake this brat loose.

"It's that...I want to go to that same university for social work, but I dropped out after middle school, so I need to take the high school proficiency exam..."

_Okay, now would you mind explaining what the hell this has to do with me?_

Hiroki's frustration level was rising steadily. Just why the hell was this guy asking him anyway? They had only met just a few hours before!

"Listen, I've got a senior thesis to write. I don't have time. I'm way too busy!"

"Whenever you have spare time then." Nowaki insisted.

Hiroki's eye twitched. "Look, I told you I can't! Just ask someone else already!" Hiroki replied. His fists were clenched tight in his pockets. Just how long was this brat going to keep this up?

_God, I can't take this...here I am recovering from a broken heart and this kid comes out of nowhere and-_

His thoughts were instantly interrupted with a broad, strong hand gripped his arm and pulled him backwards on his heels. He turned to face Nowaki's whose penetrating gaze fixed on his face. His features were resolute and determined. So much so Hiroki was almost scared. Still,the warmth of his hand seeped through his sleeve, and once again, as before in the park, he was briefly painfully reminded of Akihiko's hands, so cool on his skin. But what had his full attention now was the intensity of Nowaki's eyes, locked firmly on his own, and his following words, soft and somewhat pleading.

"You're the one I want, Hiro-san."

Hiroki blinked numbly. "W-what?"

As he struggled on towards his apartment, the man's persistency had no end. He grabbed at his arm, trying to stop him in his track, but Hiroki pressed stubbornly forward, completely annoyed beyond belief at this stupid brat's persistence.

"Let go of me already! I said no!"

"Please!"

"Quit pestering me already!"

"I just want to learn!" Nowaki insisted.

Hiroki felt the veins in his temple throbbing as his annoyance grew. He turned to face Nowaki as he fished for his house key in his coat pocket.

"Get lost!" He barked. "I'm getting really angry!"

However, once more, he found a strong, warm hand on his arm, and a pair of sapphire-blue eyes locking with his own.

"Go right ahead." He said in a little louder than the whisper.

Again, Hiroki merely blinked numbly, but soon returned to his senses and opened the door to his apartment and slammed it on his freakishly stubborn visitor.

_Seriously...what the HELL is UP with that guy?_

Hiroki then realized with a start that he'd forgotten to bring in his house key from outside. Hurriedly he opened the door, but almost immediately he saw it was gone. "They key!" He exclaimed. Understandably, it didn't take him long to figure out who had robbed him.

"That kid jacked me! This is the worst day of my life!" He groaned, temper flaring. "First, I start off with getting my heart broken, and then some random freaky-ass kid steals my key! Could this day possibly get any more infuritating?"

Despite his fury, Hiroki knew there was no point in worrying about it anymore. There was no way he was going out to catch that stupid kid now and get his key. He was through with everything; all he wanted now was some rest.

"All right! Screw this!" He declared to no one. "I'm going to sleep!"

As he huddled up under piles of cool linen sheets, his head sunk into the pillow as his thoughts uncontrollably shifted to that stupid, stubborn, annoying-as-hell Nowaki. As much as the kid's very existence pissed Hiroki off, there was still something about him that stifled Hiroki's irritation in it's tracks.

_That kid's hands...I can't stop thinking about it. The more and more I try, the more clear it becomes..._

_They felt just like Akihiko's...only warm...really warm..._

_What the hell is up with that kid anyway?_

**Nowaki's Perspective**

_I can't believe I actually did it._

Nowaki was back at his apartment, still somewhat winded from running all the way downtown from Hiroki's apartment complex. He had taken the subway to his own apartment in a further section of Tokyo, and he was now sitting at his kitchen table, Hiroki's house key in his hands. He turned it this way and that, studying all the little grooves and teeth, and how it glinted shiny bronze under the soft glow of the kitchen lamp. Nowaki could still hardly believe he was actually holding the very key to Hiroki's apartment; the key Hiro-san used every day to let himself in his home from school. He never actually planned to just take it. Hiroki had darted into the doorway so quickly without hearing Nowaki out, and he didn't even remember to take his key. Nowaki knew he would'nt get through to Hiro-san then and there, so at the time, it seemed like the only option he had if he wanted to get another chance to talk to Hiro-san.

_But honestly...looking back, maybe this wasn't such a bright idea. I mean, Hiro-san is probably going to be very angry with me about this..._

Nowaki sighed. It was true. So far, all he had come off as to Hiro-san was a cheeky entrance-exam student and a common thief. He reflected on the aggrivated tone of Hiroki's voice as he reasoned why he just could'nt Nowaki. He also remembered the harshness of the way he had said; _"Thats none of your buisness!"_ It was clear to Nowaki now that winning Hiro-san's heart was not going to be an easy feat, but not even for a moment did he even consider giving up.

_I think it's all an act._ Nowaki considered, setting the key down on the table. _Even in the park he tried to quickly to hide the fact he was crying. But he looked really confused when I told him he was the one I wanted. Not angry or cruel...just...confused..._

_Really confused..._ Nowaki thought wearily. _I thought I had made it pretty clear that I wasn't just referring to his tutoring when I told him that. Could he really be that clueless?_

_Or maybe..._

Hundreds of thoughts whirled around in his cramped little brain. He just could'nt get that beautiful image out of his mind, of Hiroki crying in the park...all alone.

_...Now that I think about it... _He considered. _I really want to know why Hiro-san was crying like that. He didn't come off as the type of person who cries easily to me before._

Nowaki thought of at least a thousand possible explanations. _Maybe one of his relatives died? He put his dog to sleep? He got dumped?_

In the end, he could'nt make up his mind of what it was. It probably wasn't right for him to know. At least not yet.

_All I really know is,_ Nowaki thought, as he got ready for bed, all the while images of Hiro-san flitting through his mind. _Even though I fell in love with his crying face, all I really want is to make him smile. _Nowaki grinned as he thought how breathtaking Hiroki's smile must have been. Looking back, he really hadn't seen him smile yet. As he brushed his teeth and changed into his night clothes, he tried to imagine Hiroki smiling, but at that point, with all he had seen of the man thus far, the image didn't come easily. He had seen the man completely upset, and totally pissed off. That was all. Nowaki found that really depressing.

_I may not have known him for all that long, but I do know that I will never let Hiro-san hurt that way again. From now on Hiro-san, I'll be with you. Always. Don't think you can drive me away so easily. It dosen't matter whether you like it or not..._

_...I'm not going anywhere, until you're always, always smiling._

The following day was fairly warm, cloudless, and bright. It was about 8:00 in the morning when Nowaki first woke up, murmuring sleepily as he turned his alarm clock off. He had to go on his paper route after all. He quickly got dressed, made himself some coffee and toast with jam, practically scarfed it all down, almost scalding himself with hot steaming coffee in the process, and hurried on his bike to pick of the newspapers he had to deliver. The job didn't pay much, but the more he put away for college the better, and every little bit helped. Right now, Nowaki would take any job offered to him without complaint or question, as long as his schedule allowed it.

Nowaki went to pick up the papers from his employer and proceeded to deliver them to the houses on his route, all the while wondering about Hiro-san and when would be a good time to drop by his apartment. Since it was Saturday, he didn't have any jobs besides this one paper route, and there was a good chance Hiro-san would be home studying for most of the day.

Nowaki furrowed his brow in thought and glanced nervously at his watch. "8:30." He sighed, pedaling away and tossing the papers into the front yards. He was more than half-way done by that time, and he was getting more and more anxious to see Hiro-san.

_Oh boy, this is really going to be a problem isn't it?_ Nowaki thought to himself light-heartedly._ This early in the morning and already he's the only thing I can focus on._

Nowaki clearly remembered the direction of Hiroki's apartment from his neighborhood, and it wasn't long after he finished his route, collected his payment, and bid a polite thank you to his employer, that he resolved to head over there straight away. He had the key nestled safely in his pant's pocket, and he patted it softly, chuckling to himself.

_For all I know, he's might still be asleep. _Nowaki glanced at his watch one more time, and nodded to himself. _It's 9:00 now. Still a little early, but I could always just wait around for him to wake up. I should probably apologize for taking his key too._

Nowaki smiled, turning his bike around and pedaling furiously towards the other sect of Tokyo, where his Hiro-san would be waiting for him.

Nowaki was standing in front of the blue-painted door, hand frozen on the key in the lock. Sweat was beading his brow now, and he could'nt really describe this odd sense of anxiety that prevented him from just opening the door.

_I don't get it. Before I could hardly wait to get here, so I could see him, but now I'm so nervous! I wonder if I look okay..._

In all honesty, Nowaki wasn't too concerned about his appearance most of the time. Everyone always seemed to point out how handsome and charming he was whether he needed to hear it or not. He didn't think he looked all that impressive, and he considered his unusually tallness a bit distracting when casually chatting with people. They all tended to look up to him, and it made him uncomfortable sometimes. But he didn't think that was what held him back now.

_I think maybe I'm just nervous because Hiro-san might just take his key back and kick me out...but I can't let that stop me!_

Nowaki swallowed back his jitteryness and turned the key in the lock and opened the door. He tried to be as quiet as possible, and thankfully the door didn't squeak much as he slipped inside and closed it behind him.

"Hiro-san?" He asked quietly, half-expecting Hiroki to burst out of nowhere and wrestle him to the ground in an attempt to retrieve his housekey. But nothing stirred. No voice replied. The apartment was completely still.

_Is he still-_ But the question lingering in Nowaki's mind was soon answered with a faint, distant sound, hard to identify at first, but then clearly distinguishable as light, gentle snoring.

Nowaki chuckled. _Yep. Still asleep._

The very thought of Hiro-san's normally frustration-creased brow softened into a relaxed, peaceful one of sleep was enough to make Nowaki's heart burst. He silently followed the muffled sound up to a closed door and figured it had to be Hiroki's bedroom. Seeing it wasn't locked, Nowaki opened the door carefully and saw a sight that nearly melted his heart; Hiroki cuddled up in bed, buried under layers of soft linen and a large, pillowy comforter. He face was half-sunken into the side of his pillow and a tiny trickle of drool flowed from one corner of his lips.

_Oh my...he is the cutest thing I've ever seen! Just look at him!_

Nowaki's could'nt remain in the room one second longer, for he knew if he kept his eyes on that adorable sight eventually he would lose the battle and pounce on his beloved treasure and never let him go. Nowaki tiptoed out of the room and shut the door. Nowaki paced the floor, again fearing that Hiro-san might take his key back and force him to leave without hearing him out. He kinew that topic would come up the moment Hiro-san knew he was there. Nowaki had to think of something that might distract Hiro-san temporarily from that aggrivating subject and allow Nowaki to engage him in casual conversation enough to make him forget about it. Maybe he could even still convince him to be his tutor. Nowaki racked his brain for a few moments, then, the answer came to him in a burst of brilliant insight. He snapped his fingers.

_"Breakfast!"_ He exclaimed. "Perfect!"

Nowaki then wasted no time in heading to the kitchen and rummaging through Hiro-san's cupboards for pans, bowls, and utensils. He hastily set the table for two and set to work. He got out a black frying pan and began cracking eggs, cutting peppers, and slicing ham for his special ham and cheese omelets, since Hiro-san happened to have all the ingredients he needed. He took special care not to use any more from Hiro-san's pantry than was needed, and while the two omelets were cooking on the stove, Nowaki filled two glasses with fresh orange juice he found in the fridge and set them on the table. When the omelets were done, he set the steaming mouth-watering confections on two plates beside the glasses. He then figured he would take a little peek into Hiro-san's room to see if he was awake, fearing the omelet might get cold if he remained asleep for too long. (Even though everyone always told him that his omelets could be enjoyed both fresh from the oven or room temperature. He figured they were just being polite.)

He once again quietly opened the door, and stood by the edge of his bed, gazing down at the image of his painfully beautiful Hiro-san, dozing peacefully under his sheets and emerald-green comforter. Nowaki wanted to bend down right then and there and kiss those gorgeously pink lips of his, but before he could get any further in that little fantasy, he noticed something that sent waves of concern flitting through him. He saw Hiro-san's brow furrow a bit in distress, and a little moan escaped the sleeping man's lips. Nowaki frowned, leaning closer to his treasure.

_Oh Hiro-san, are you having a nightmare? I wish I could help._

Then, without thinking, Nowaki reached towards the sleeping Hiroki. He let one of his hands rest on his forehead, his fingers sinking deep into those silky brown locks of hair. Nowaki sighed longingly, desperately feeling the need to embrace his sleeping form, but then, he heard another soft moan, and a few mumbled words escaped his precious Hiro-san's lips.

Then, he stirred under the sheets, lifted his head a little, and opened his eyes.

**Hiroki's Perspective**

Hiroki hadn't been stirred from the sound of someone entering his room, or the sound of the stove going off in the kitchen. He had been dreaming of Akihiko. His tender touch, the soothing melody of his voice, the feeling of his hands on his bare, exposed skin...they were in a dark, secluded bedroom, holding one another and whispering cnfessions of love, but suddenly, the scene began to change. Akihiko was beginning to fade away before his eyes, and as he began to evaporate, much to Hiroki's distress, he had lifted his hands to Hiroki's forehead, but they felt completely different, no longer cool and slightly calloused, but now smooth, soft and...warm...

Incredibly warm. It felt amazing. Wonderful even, but it still puzzled Hiroki, who was struggling to make out Akihiko's features now as he vanished completely from sight. Hiroki felt like weeping, but the warmth grew more and more intense, until he finally came back to himself and sleepily opened his eyes to Nowaki's worried gaze.

Instantly, his grogginess and fatigue slipped disappeared, replaced with horror and astonishment at the sight of the bratty kid who had begged him for tutoring just yesterday. He cried out and shot up in bed, seething with fury. Hiroki had never expected the man to just _barge _into his home! Who the hell did he think he was?

"W-what the hell are you doing here? How long have you been here!" He shouted in indignation. Nowaki seemed unphased as he replied;

"I finished my paper route, and I thought I'd drop by." He said easily.

Hiroki spotted the key gleaming in his hand, and a renewed fury from the day before began to boil inside him. "Get out! Leave my key here and get the hell out!" He seethed, practically spitting in the man's face.

"I made breakfast." Nowaki pointed out, gesturing towards the omelets in the kitchen. "Please help yourself."

Hiroki had wanted to spew a few hate-fueled insults right in his face, but when his stomach growled noisilly and he smelled the rich aroma of the food, his anger seemed to temporarily subside, replaced by a strong hunger. In the end, he agreed to eat breakfast with Nowaki.

_I'll eat breakfast with the moron, but no way in hell will I agree to be his damned tutor._ Hiroki thought bitterly, scarfing down his omelet, and refusing to complement Nowaki on his cooking even though it tasted delicious.

"So, since you actually had the balls to show your face here again I guess you still want me to be your tutor right?" Hiroki could'nt help but ask. It was the only reason he could think of that Nowaki would come back, yet alone make breakfast. He was obviously trying to get on hsi good side. _Heh, good luck. He dosen't know who the hell he's dealing with. _Hiroki thought smugly. "Can't you at least tell me why you're going to such great lengths to get me to tutor for you?"

At this remark, Nowaki looked genuinely surprised. "You mean you don't know?" He asked with wide eyes.

"Not a clue." Hiroki grumbled, shoving more food in his mouth.

Then, he actually heard Nowaki sigh, with a slight undetone of exasperation. "_Why_ indeed."

_How the hell WOULD I know, you moron!_

The two of them finished eating, and Nowaki actually volunteered to do the dishes. Hiroki glared at him tiredly as he sipped his juice. _God, whats wrong with me? I can't bring myself to kick him out...but why?_

_Is it because...his touch feels the same?_

Just the thought made Hiroki cringe. The last thing he wanted to do was think about Akihiko's touch. He just wanted to forget Akihiko, but doing that was no easy feat. Not after the way his heart had been broken.

_I need to get over this. Even if I spend every waking hour thinking about him, he's never going to feel the same..._

Yet even though reason always reminded him of this fact, Hiroki knew he could never bring himself to forget Akihiko. The man had been a part of his life since grade school He was the only person in this world he had ever come to fall in love with, and all he'd wanted for so long wad for his love to be returned. And he knew deep in the core of his soul that he could never forget that. He had loved, and lost, and the pain was all too real...the pain of knowing that he had no place in Akihiko's heart...none...

_All that's left of him now...is the memory of his touch..._

Then, without thinking, his allowed his gaze, from the corner of his eye, fall on Nowaki, who was now finishing up the dishes with a cheerful smile on his face. But then without warning he looked towards Hiroki, who started with surprise, and in doing so he elbowed the bottom portion of a tall, unsteady stack of books, which immediately began to wobble unstably above him. Hiroki cried out as he watched the topmost books, a set of incredibly thick, heavy volumes, whizz through the air towards him. He covered his head with his arms and waited, but he felt no books crash down upon him.

Instead he looked up, and Nowaki was kneeling behind him, having shieldied him from the crashing books with his own body.

Before Hiroki could even get a word out, Nowaki lowered his face to Hiroki's ear with a stupid, yet pleased grin on his face.

"Looks like you owe me Hiro-san."

_Why...this little brat..._

It took Hiroki a moment to react at first, but eventually he roused himself from his stupor and pushed Nowaki away, standing up and facing him with a look of sheer annoyance rather than graititude. "Look here, don't you get ahead of yourself kid!" He snapped.

Nowaki merely blinked, that stupid grin still on his face.

Hiroki sighed heavilly. He really _did_ owe him. It appeared he had no choice now.

"Oh fine. All right then, I'll tutor you. But we do this according to my schedule you got it? You'd better prepare yourself for a Spartan education!" Hiroki declared in his most authoriataive voice.

"Yes!" Nowaki cheered in response, his voice brimming with glee. Hiroki stared. He hadn't been expectng such an overly eager response. _He's way too candid... _Hiroki thought to himself as he bent down to pick up the fallen books. He had retrieved a couple heavy ones when suddenly he felt a familiar large, warm hand tussling his hair, as though he were a child.

"Hiro-san, you're so cute." Nowaki gushed happily.

That's when Hiroki finally lost it. "DON'T LOOK DOWN AT ME LIKE THAT!" He raged furiously, the books he had released flying in thr air around them. He then proceeded to pelt the lunking moron with them at lightning speed, while Nowaki stood very casually and withstood the abuse without a word.

"Goddamn it! How tall are you anyway? You're frickin huge! "

"186 centimeters." Nowaki replied matter-of-factly.

"YOU PISS ME OFF!" Hiroki barked, storming away while grumbling angrilly under his breath. (At the same time completely oblivious to Nowaki's low chuckling on Hiroki's random yet impassioned outburst.) It was clear he was going to have a real trial getting used to this kid's constant presence around his home. But, he was just going to have to deal with it now. There was no going back on his commitment.

_Damn it._ He thought bitterly. _Could'nt I have just been left to mourn my broken heart in peace?_

End of Chapter 2.

Please Review!


	3. Chapter 3

Author's note: Thanks for all the feedback everyone! Please enjoy the next installment! ^_^

**Nowaki's Perspective**

It didn't take long before Nowaki realized Hiro-san was not bluffing when he had told Nowaki the tutoring sessions would be intense. Over the course of the next few weeks Nowaki found himself spending more and more time at Hiroki's apartment, studying rigorously for his high school GED. In the beginning, Nowaki was very a very sluggish learner, and Hiroki did not hesitate to chastise him for this, but over the course of time, Nowaki began to pick up and retain the material much more easily. Eventually, Nowaki ended up quitting two of his jobs, so he would have more time to study.

_Or at least that's what Hiro-san thinks._

As Nowaki spent more and more time with his Hiro-san, he realized that there was so much more to him than just his beautiful face. For Nowaki, there was something about Hiroki's character that just drew him in, and when he wasn't insulting or pelting Nowaki with books out of frustration or just simple annoyance, Nowaki got glimpses of who he _really_ was inside; a wonderful, kind, caring human being. Even if Hiroki often complained about Nowaki being annoying or stupid, Nowaki could see it wasn't at all genuine disdain. _He just puts on a bluster, but I can tell he really dosen't mind tutoring me._ Nowaki would think to himself happily as Hiroki guided him through complex math problems and basic English grammar. Hiroki would praise him when he did well, occasionally scold him for mess up something he thought very simple, and sometimes Nowaki would even stay for dinner after an extra long study session, (At Hiroki's insistence that it was too late to go home and cook dinner and that too much fast food would give him heart disease.) In certain ways, Hiroki treated Nowaki much like a child, (and a child that always seemed to irritate him at that,) but Nowaki could tell that Hiro-san really was just acting this way. On the surface, he appeared your typical, bad-tempered bachelor, but inside...Nowaki could see so much more.

It was all very subtle, these little behaviors he noticed, like how Hiroki would often peek over his shoulder when Nowaki was working on a difficult problem, and Nowaki could see him scutinizing carefully over his work with obvious interest. He would constantly leave messages of Nowaki's cell whenever he was running late for a tutoring session, commanding him to "hurry your ass over and not keep me waiting!" Also, there were times when they would share a particularly interesting conversation, unrelated to Nowaki's studies. Often they concerned literature, and on these occasions, Nowaki would catch glimpses of how truly passionate, intelligent, and incredible his Hiro-san was. He would go on and on about the greats of Japanese and American literature, and Nowaki would listen to him, fascinated. He loved the way Hiro-san's normally dull, focused eyes absolutely lit up whenever he spoke about his passions for literature. Hiroki would not speak down to him during these conversations, or treat him like a cheeky little kid either. During these times, he revealed how truly mature and level-headed he was at heart, despite his habitual yelling and name-calling tendencies. He would often confess to Nowaki that his least favorite kinds of people were the ones who acted purely on emotion, and that these were the kinds of people he should stear clear from. When Hiroki said these things, Nowaki would just briefly nod. He knew deep down though, he was a great hypocrite in regards to that, because deep in his heart he knew, despite the fact that Hiroki was a really wonderful tutor, that there was a far more important reason that he had quit two of his jobs so he had more time to study with him. But, no matter how many hints Nowaki dropped or how much time passed, Hiroki just didn't seem aware of the real reason. Frankly, it was beginning to concern Nowaki deeply.

_It's because I love you Hiro-san. Why is it so hard for you to see that?_

Nowaki had indeed fretted about this detail in particular. He wondered if Hiroki was capable of seeing when someone had feelings towards him. It bothered him day and night, but he persisted in his efforts to make Hiroki see. He insisted on extending his tutoring hours. He volunteered to make dinner and clean the house for Hiroki. He studied diligently for sometimes days on end, in a futile hope that Hiroki would finally realize there were far more feeling behind his actions than simply wanted his GED. He wanted Hiro-san to know that _he_ was the driving force behind all that he did, and Nowaki wasn't sure how much longer he could bear the weight of Hiroki not understanding those feelings, and more importantly; how Hiroki felt about him.

_It isn't even just the fact that he is the most beautiful, radiant being I've ever come across...everything about him is just so charming and wonderful to me...everything he does and says...even when he scolds me I know there's so much more behind it. But what I want to know is...exactly HOW much?_

_When is Hiro-san going to see how much I love him? Is it so hard to recognize because I'm a man?" _He wondered tiredly to himself. _Or does he really still think I'm nothing more than his student?_

Nowaki never ceased in tormenting himself with these questions. He found himself leafing blankly threw his textbooks one day, his thoughts filled with nothing but Hiro-san, and he finally ended up getting drowsy. The image of Hiro-san crying, the tears sparkling in the sunlight, wavered dimly inside his head before it finally faded away completely. He rubbed at his eyes. Having pulled an all nighter the night before, he was feeling rather drowsy and lightheaded. He had been waiting home for Hiro-san to get back from school to check his paper, but now, all he felt like doing was sleeping.

"Ugh...I bet Hiro-san will be angry if he catches me dozing when he thinks I'm supposed to be studying...but I really need a little rest..." He muttered to himself, leaning against a pile of books and closing his eyes, his thoughts once again refilling with images of his darling Hiro-san. A light smirk settled on his lips as he dozed lightly, hands clasped on his chest, over the small pocket textbook he;d been studing from.

_Oh Hiro-san...you're so cute. You really are..._

_I just wish you could see how much I admire you, adore you, love you..._

_Please notice soon...Hiro-san..._

**Hiroki's Perspective**

_Ugh...what a shitty day that was..._ Hiroki groaned inwardly as he shuffled tiredly up to his door and pulled out his key. Upon entering the living room, the first thing Hiroki noticed was the sight of Nowaki slumped over on the floor, snoring course he'd known Nowaki would be home waiting for him. (A new habit that had arised of Nowaki's own insistence on the matter.) Hiroki sighed lightly, feeling a pang of sympathy rush through him suddenly as he removed his hat and scarf.

_His life...is probably really hard right now. It's got to be tough juggling six jobs, and yet...he always finds the time to study..._

It made Hiroki wonder sometimes what Nowaki's true goals were. Hiroki had told him countless times that he'd learned the material inside and out, and yet Nowaki would always insist that there was some small part he hadn't quite grasped yet. It was beyond confusing. It was downright befuddling. He would offer to make dinner and clean the house, just in return for staying a few extra hours there with him.

_Because I'm a good teacher maybe? _He'd wonder, but he could'nt see that being the reason. Maybe Nowaki's true aspirations were to be a prodigy._ But if that's the case, why is he only asking for review of high school level material?_

Hiroki just stood there awhile, looking down on Nowaki's sleeping form, more particularly his hands, which were folded over a book on his chest. As much as he tried to stop himself, Hiroki often found himself thinking about those large, warm hands, and then about Akihiko's hands, which were much smaller, and cool on his skin. Sometimes, these thoughts about his hands would often shift to Nowaki himself. His attitude and mannerisms, everything. And at that moment, a bizzare, almost incomprehensible thought wormed into Hiroki's brain, and voiced itself as he looked down on the sleeping man.

_Are they...similar?_

But Hiroki soon came to his senses, knowing full well he really wasn't.

_No, they aren't at all. Don't be stupid. The only thing that's similar are...his hands..._

Just then, Nowaki's eyes suddenly fluttered open. Hiroki started.

"Oh, Welcome home Hiro-san," Nowaki said a little drowsilly.

"S-sure..." Hiroki stammered, Nowaki's sudden awakening having caught him off guard. "Go wash your face while I check this." He said quickly, removing his scarf and sitting down to check Nowaki's English paper. It didn't take him long to see that Nowaki had gotten them all right.

"God! Every single answer is correct! Damn..." Hiroki muttered. Nowaki was still washing up in the bathroom.

"How's your thesis coming along?" Nowaki asked suddenly. Not to Hiroki's surprise; he was becoming very interested in his studies at Teito University lately.

"Little by little," Hiroki answered. "But it looks like I'll have to write another one though."

"Huh? Why?" Nowaki asked curiously.

"I think I'm going to stay in school." He replied easily.

Nowaki advanced towards him, confusion in his bright blue eyes. "Are you being held back a year?" He asked in earnest, much to Hiroki's immediate rage. He tossed the magazine he'd been reading right at his face.

"Moron! I'll have YOU know I'm at the top of the literature department!" He shot at him angrilly. "I'm saying that I want to go to graduate school!"

"Oh, Wow..." Nowaki murmured as he picked up the magazine off the floor. "Thats amazing! Well, it is you after all!" He exclaimed, seeming genuinely impressed, even though Hiroki honestly wasn't trying to boast.

"Er...it's nothing really..." He muttered quietly. "I just wanted to explain..." The last thing he wanted was for Nowaki to think he was conceited. He sat at the table, stammering and completely flustered. "I really wasn't trying to brag or anything just now, I mean it! I was just...um..."

"Why not brag?" Nowaki replied honestly. Hiroki gazed up at him then.

"Hiro-san...you are _really_ an amazing person."

Hiroki had no idea how to a comment like this, so he just glanced down at the table and said nothing. Nowaki was always blunt with how he felt; always completely honest.

_Being around Nowaki always makes everything weird._

He sighed quietly, but then noticed something on the table that made him start.

"Oh...that book..." He said in a small voice.

"Oh, excuse me. I kind of helped myself to it earlier." Nowaki said, taking the book off the table and looking at the back.

"Oh, no it's fine. I don't mind."

"You really like this author huh?" Nowaki pointed out.

"Why do you ask?" Hiroki stammered, trying to focus on his hands and not lose his composure.

"You have three copies of each of his books." Nowaki said. "I hear he's a student at Teito; you ever meet him? Huh, Hiro-san?"

Hiroki had turned his face away, the shame and torment were building inside him all over again.

"Yeah I have." He replied quietly, sturggling to maintain a steady voice. "He's a childhood friend of mine."

_The one I love..._

_No...the one I..._

...Loved.

Nowaki took the hint; he wasn't stupid. "Oh, I see..." He said quietly in return. "I see, a childhood friend."

Hiroki could'nt bear sounding so weak and vulnerable in front of Nowaki, but it was just so hard to mask the pain when Akihiko came up in idle conversation; he had no time to prepare himself mentally. The images came flooding back once more; Akihiko lifting one of those cool, beautiful to his cheeks, Hiroki leaning into his touch...Akihiko saying _his_ name.

_Ta...Takahiro..._

Confrmation of all his fears. Of every slight anxiety that Akihiko didn't and could'nt return his feelings being proved before his eyes.

_When I found out that Akihiko could never be the one he loved; I took advantage of it, But in the end, I could see how bitterly he regretted it. He felt as though using a man he didn't love as a substitute...he had somehow sullied Takahiro...Even so he could'nt suppress his desire for him, and it only hurt him all the more...He could'nt touch him, outof love. Don't confess, for fearing of destroying everything...A love with no hope of requital._

_Yes, I understand you're feelings painfully well..._ Hiroki thought bitterly, fighting back the tears.

_...and it's your kindness that tears me apart..._

**Nowaki's Perspective**

_I think I finally get it now. It' s starting to become clear._

Nowaki was in Hiroki's shower, letting the hot water beat on his back and his limbs, relaxing his muscles and his tendons.

He was thinking of Hiro-san.

_A childhood friend..._

_Hiro-san, you cared for him...didn't you?_

Nowaki wasn't an idiot. Even though he'd looked away, Nowaki had seen the way Hiroki's eyes cast over with sorrow at the very mention of the author who'd written those books. It made Nowaki's heart ache to see the one whom he cherished looked so hurt. In fact, it reminded him starkly of the time he'd come across Hiroki in the park; the anguished look on his face...like he'd just gotten his heart broken.

No. Not just broken.

Shattered.

Hiroki had gotten up quickly after a long silence had passed between them, casually, (and hurriedly) offered to make dinner, and stalked off quickly into the kitchen, acting as though he hadn't just been upset or hurting at all, even though he clearly had been.

Nowaki was no idiot.

The steam shroudded him in a thick fog of warmth, and clouded the walls and mirror. Nowaki mindlessly rubbed his head with the towel, thinking of what Hiro-san was doing now that it was almost evening. He'd said he was going to read for a bit while Nowaki was showering, and then maybe tutor him a bit more after he was out, and then Nowaki would go home.

But Nowaki didn't want to go home.

He wanted to stay...and make Hiro-san feel better.

Nowaki stepped out of the bathroom after the steam had evaporated and he was fairly dry. The towel was still slung around his neck. "Hiro-san, thanks again for letting me use your shower-" He'd began politely, but then his eyes darted to the floor and he saw a sight that nearly melted his heart.

Hiro-san was lightly dozing on the floor, a book open on his chest and an adorable duckling sleeping mask drawn over his eyes. Nowaki wanted to scoop him up right then and there and carry him away, but he restrained himself, calling to him in a gentle voice.

"Hiro-san, you'll catch a cold like this. If you're going to sleep, you should go to bed..." He murmured, reaching out and removing the mask from over his eyes. Hiroki muttered a bit, and shifted slightly, his brows furrowing the slightest degree in what Nowaki saw as distress or fear.

Then, he murmured the name;

"Aki...hiko..."

_It's true then. He really was in love with him._

_But if that's the case, can I still find a place in his heart?_

Nowaki's gaze rested on Hiro-san's beautiful, flawless face. His closed eyes; the thin locks of chestnut hair which rested messily over his bangs. His easy, quiet breathing.

Nowaki just could'nt stand it anymore.

_I have to kiss him._

Nowaki didn't give the manner a second thought, but instead, for once, gave in completely to his instincts. He reached out, tussling Hiroki's hair a bit, and then sliding his hand over to Hiro-san's cheek. He leaned down slowly, until Hiro-san's breath tickled his nose, and met those soft pink lips with a kiss more saturated with love than Nowaki thought himself capable of. Those lips tasted sweet...like...tea and honey, with just a hint of curry powder. (Probably because of the dinner they had just finished together ) and Nowaki fell into a state of bliss.

_I'm kissing my Hiro-san...my Hiro-san..."_

Little did he realize in his euphoria that Hiroki's eyes were fluttering open, and before he knew it he was being shoved away as Hiroki gasped for air and fingered his lips, eyes wide with shock.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He demanded furiously. Nowaki sighed inwardly, deciding to just come out and say it.

"Akihiko" is that childhood friend you were talking about, isn't it?" He said, already knowing the answer.

"Eh?"

"His name. You said it in you're sleep." Nowaki pointed out.

"N-none of your buisness!" Hiroki barked, looking away.

Nowaki sighed then. He knew he could'nt conceal these feelings for one second longer, and it was completely obvious now that Hiroki was _never_ going to notice on his own.

So he just had to come out with it.

"It seems you're never going to notice until I just come out and say it." He declared, a touch of resignation in his voice.

Hiroki looked up at him with wide eyes. _No going back now. I'm going to tell him how I feel._

_I have to._

"Hiro-san...I-"

But just as he was about to say the words, a noise interrupted him mid-sentence.

The doorbell.

"Uh, Coming!" Hiroki called, looking flustered. Nowaki watched him get up and go to the door.

_Hiro-san..._

Nowaki saw him open the door, and standing in the entryway was a tall, thin man with gray hair. Nowaki could'nt believe his eyes.

_It's the author! The childhood friend!_

_Usami Akihiko!_

Hiroki seemed just as astonished as Nowaki was, but of course he didn't notice. His eyes were fixed on the man before him, as though under his spell.

"Akihiko?" Hiroki stammered.

"You're still alive huh?" The man asked in a deep, attractive voice.

"What the hell?" Hiroki shot back, annoyedly.

_Hiro-san...do you still care for him?_ Nowaki asked himself.

"I haven't heard a word from you, and I could never get a hold of you at school. I assumed you were dying in some alleyway." The man said.

Nowaki clenched his fists. Of course the man hadn't noticed him standing inside, close enough to hear every word they were saying.

"Huh, well excuse me for living!" Hiroki retorted, crossing his arms. "In case you didn't know, I've got two theses to write; I don't have time to good around with the great lord novelist."

He sounded confident enough, but Nowaki could'nt help but notice the way his fingers clenched on one of his sleeves.

_Hiro-san..._

The man seemed unphased, and rather than taking offense, he raised a hand and rested it on Hiroki's hair, tangling up his fingers in those uncombed brown locks. Nowaki could'nt help but stare, his irritation rising steadily. He felt like punching the guy for laying a hand on his Hiro-san. _His._

But of course he didn't.

"Don't make a joke of it." The man said softly. "I was really worried about you. You eating properly? You're face is so pale!"

Nowaki wanted to march right over there and snatch Hiro-san away and shut the door in his face. It was no use trying to reason with himself. This man was marching into his territory. And he did not like it one bit.

But Nowaki wasn't bitter enough to not notice the tears that had sprung to Hiroki's eyes now, as the man rested his large hand in his hair. Nowaki stifled a gasp, as finally, with a start, it all became clear. The reason Hiro-san had been crying in the park that day...the reason he had been suffering so much when they'd first encountered one another.

_It was all because of HIM!_

Suddenly, Nowaki wasn't about to wait another moment standing idly by while this bastard made him cry; did he even notice Hiro-san's tears? Did he even care?

Nowaki found his legs moving of his own accord, his face flushed with raise. He no longer had any control of his actions. Not that he particularly cared; in fact, this kind of behavior was longer overdue, as he saw it at that moment.

He had to lay down the law. Hiro-san was _his._

Hiroki had no time to react as Nowaki approached and grabbed hold of his head from behind, his fingers tangling in those silky brown locks once more. Hiroki stared, horrifyed, from inbetween Nowaki's fingers.

Nowaki didn't even bother introducing himself. He just came right out with it, gazing right into the eyes of Usami Akihiko.

"I'll be taking Hiro-san." He declared, and there was no to be no arguing with that. He pulled Hiroki over the threshold and shut the door right in the bewildered man's face.

As Nowaki had predicted, Hiroki was not the least bit pleased.

"L-let go of me you asshole!" He'd shouted as Nowaki pulled him into the living room. He picked up the closest book he saw and tossed it with all his might at the wall in frustration and embarassment.

"You stupid _bastard!_" He raged, as Nowaki stood close behind him. "What the_ hell _was that about just now? It was practically _begging_ a misunderstanding!"

Nowaki merely shrugged behind him. Hiro-san wanted an explanation. Fine. He would give it to him. Simple as that.

"I love you." He said.

He saw his beloved Hiro-san freeze, as though incapable of motion. He heard him give a sharp, small gasp. But he didn't stop.

"The real reason I asked you to tutor me was...because I fell in love with you the moment I saw you."

"W-what are you..." Hiroki whispered.

Nowaki didn't hesitate. He could'nt now. "I even quit two of my jobs, and you thought all this time it was just because I needed more time to study, but actually, I did it because I just want to get every extra minute together with you that I can get.

"When we first met, you were crying, and I finally realized...it was because of Usami-san, wasn't it?"

"It...it had nothing to do with him..." Hiroki murmured, still unmoving.

Nowaki knew he was lying, but he didn't stop to harp on the matter. "I won't ask what happened, but you need to know that I would_ never_ make you cry like that."

He was getting antsy that Hiroki still hadn't responded to his confession, but he continued anyway. "When we first met, I fell in love with the sight of your tears but now...all I want is to see you smile!" He exclaimed. He was getting so nervous. He would rather Hiro-san explode and pelt him with books than remain silent a moment longer. But Hiroki still would'nt speak.

Then Nowaki said something he'd later regret.

"Can I replace Usami-san?"

_That_ made Hiroki react. He spun around and hurled a book at Nowaki, his face flushed with anger.

"G-get out!" He stammered. "Get out and don't you ever come back again!" He cried, and slammed the door on a bewildered Nowaki.

_Hiro-san..._

He loathed himself; despised himself. Why had he had to go and say that to him? Did Hiro-san really hate him now? Would Nowaki ever see him again? He stood outside that door, waiting in vain for Hiro-san to open it and embrace him and tell him he was sorry and that he loved him too and they would be together forever...

...But that was just a silly fantasy. Not real. _Probably never will be now. _ Nowaki sighed and started to leave. He walked down the steps of the complex and left Hiroki's apartment behind, thinking the man was completely done with him.

Little did he know that Hiroki had heard those footsteps, and had reopened the door for him, only to discover he was already gone.

* * * * *  
End of chapter 3! Plz Review! ^_^


	4. Chapter 4

Hello again. Back with the fourth part. lol I'm sorry this is taking so many chapters to get thru. Please review!

**Hiroki's Perspective**

_What the hell...he really just up and left..._

_I...seriously cannot believe this..._

Hiroki's head was spinning, and nothing that had happened in the past five minutes was registering correctly. Was he just..._actually..._confessed to by another man? And NOWAKI of all people?

Of course, he hadn't stuck around long after Hiroki had thrown him out, and now Hiroki was completely alone to mull over in his mind just what the hell he'd been thinking when he'd said that, and why he'd just left so easily.

_Maybe I was a bit too harsh...?_

_N-no! It wasn't my fault. Why should I blame myself? What's up with that guy anyway? He goes and confesses to me while I'm still recovering from a broken heart...and on top of that, he asks if he can be Akihiko's replacement. What the hell is up with that? And on top of THAT, he's a man himself!_

But that was where Hiroki had to cut himself off, after all...

_Well, I guess I'd fallen in love with a man myself..._

That was when Hiroki seriously began to analyze things over; Nowaki love him? Was there something he'd missed somewhere? Where had this affection began?

_Er...well, he said it was love at first sight, but what the hell is up with that anyway? Is that kind of love even real? It sounds totally one sided. And I was crying on top of that! My face must have looked...awful..._

But all that besides, Nowaki _had_ been a little pushy when it came to his tutoring, the way he always offered to make dinner and clean in exchange for just a little more time spent with him...the way he'd always gazed a little bit creepily at him as he corrected his paper...

The kiss...

_Um...I think I might have been a little bit oblivious this whole time...but..but that's not my problem! Why the hell would I be expecting romantic hints from another guy in the first place? It isn't my fault I didn't notice! It isn't!_

But nevertheless, he could'nt get the matter off his mind. He fell down on his bed, sighing to himself and wondering if Nowaki was home by now.

_Nowaki really might not come back here again... _He thought wistfully. But then again, what did he care anyway? He was just some pushy kid who'd barged into his life and begged him to be his tutor. It wasn't like they were friends or anything sentimental like that.

The more he reasoned with himself, the more he began to think he should just forget about it. Maybe the kid was just...confused...and maybe now he was set straight.

_This all started because he invited himself to my house anyway..._

_Yeah...it's none of my concern what he does now...that's right...nothing I should worry about..._

_Dosen't matter at all..._

***THREE DAYS LATER***

_I...seriously want to kill myself right now._

There he was; Hiroki Kamijou. 24 years of age...and practically stalking Nowaki like a total creeper.

_I think I need to have my brain examined... _

And indeed, perhaps he did. He was sitting in a small, modest cafe right across the street from Nowaki's workplace; the flower shop. He was watching Nowaki from the front window, chatting with customers and handing out bouquets...

_What the HELL am I DOING?_ He thought miserably, although he knew he'd get no real answer from himself. He'd even taken the measures of getting some lame black hat and eyeglasses so there was no chance of Nowaki recognizing him. _Seriously, why am I dressed up in some stupid disguise spying on Nowaki from a cafe window? Have I finally lost it? Do I need to get psychological help...immediately?_

But deep down, Hiroki knew exactly the reason, and it was precisely because of the reason itself that he would never break down and admit it to himself.

The truth was...he actually..._missed_ Nowaki. And beyond that, though he'd tried desperately, the love confession was still firmly planted in his brain. As was Nowaki.

_For all my insistence it dosen't matter...I can't get him out of my mind?_

But Hiroki would never admit it to himself, so denial was his only option.

_No...no no no no NO! There is absolutely no way! Completely impossible! It just happened that this cafe I entered is right across the street from the flower shop Nowaki works at...that's all. THAT'S ALL! I swear!_

But then, from the corner of his eye, Hiroki noticed something that made his blood boil.

Two cute-looking girls in high school uniforms approached Nowaki, in an obvious attempt to flirt. One of them, the shorter of the pair, starting tugging incessantly on his sleeve, as he made zero attempt to urge them away.

_Wha...what the HELL? Stop flirting with those high school girls! _He found himself demanding inside his mind. _Bastard! You're in love with ME aren't you!"_

_You're just NOWAKI! How DARE you be desired of women!" _He raged in his thoughts, but this caused him to suddenly pause in shock. _Wait a minute, what the hell am I doing? _He asked himself.

Then, Hiroki's worst nightmare came true, before he was even prepared for it.

Nowaki turned from the girls and looked across the street, meeting Hiroki's gaze with a shocked, bewildered look.

_Oh shit!_ Hiroki thought helplessly, as he ducked and coughed in a stupid attempt to hide his face. But it was too late. He knew it. He could think of no other solution than to bolt out of the cafe like a man being pursued by the cops, leaving his steaming mug of coffee sitting on the table.

Clear cut evidence that Nowaki had not been imagining things.

**Nowaki's Perspective**

_Was that...really...Hiro-san?_

Nowaki stood there, completely dumbfounded. And somewhat frustrated. He had practically begged his boss to let him take his lunch-break early, so he could pursue the "mystery" cafe man, but he was only scolded for it. So now he was forced to serve the customers in a complete state of disarray and mindlessness. The last thing his mind was on now was his work. Now, this thoughts were filled with nothing but...

_Hiro-san..._

_He was wearing a strange hat, and glasses, but I just know it was him..._

_Hiro-san..._

It was all he could think about. He had thought Hiro-san was done with him forever. But now...it was clear.

_He really does still care about me..._

_Oh Hiro-san...I'm sorry I doubted you._

_Tonight...I'll stop by there tonight._

_I have to see you._

_Hiro-san._

**Hiroki's Perspective**

_What the hell was I thinking anyway? _

Hiroki had not ceased scolding himself since he'd returned back to the apartment. He knew his number was up. He remembered specifically Nowaki recognizing him before he'd left the cafe. But that wasn't all that bothered him now. It was this question that wouldn't stop nibbling at his mind;

_Why did I even go in the first place?_

_There's no way I...could really have...THOSE kinds of feelings for Nowaki..._

_Right?_

It was then he heard a sound which nearly stopped his heart.

The doorbell.

_Aw Shit, give me a break!_

Hiroki stood up on shaking legs and went to answer the door. Deep in his core, he already knew who it was, but somehow, he could'nt stop himself from moving towards it; heart thudding. He was up shit creek without a paddle now, and there was nothing he could do about it now.

As he opened the door a crack, and the second he came face to face with those gleaming sapphires he tried to shut the door on them.

Nowaki stopped him with one hand, and pulled the door open. Hiroki swallowed hard at the intense look that Nowaki pelted him with as he stepped closer to him.

"Hiro-san."

"W-what do you want?" Hiroki barked, turning away quickly.

Nowaki's answer was smooth and without hesitation. "I wanted to see you."

Hiroki didn't reply. His face was beet red and he didn't dare turn around.

"When you told me never to come back, it was a big wake-up call." Nowaki continued. I mean, I was so anxious to compete with Usami-san, I blurted out my feelings without considering the time and place, and for that, I'm sorry.

"But Hiro-san, giving you up is something I just can't do."

This was when Hiroki started, and forced himself to face Nowaki. "Wh-what the hell is your problem? Everything you say is just crazy! Just quit fucking around already!"

Nowaki was, as usual, completely unphased, but he tilted his gaze up a little more to meet Hiroki's brown eyes. "But, you came to the flower shop, right?"

**BUSTED.**

Hiroki was struck speechless, the shock and horror of Nowaki's discovering him at the cafe was renewed once again, and he couldn't even react as Nowaki embraced him tightly.

His voice was gentle and sweet as he murmured the words into Hiroki's ear.

"I was incredibly happy." He whispered.

"Hiro-san, I'm going to say it once more."

His grip on Hiroki tightened, and Hiroki was astounded by the incredible warmth that was flooding through his body.

"I love you."

Hiroki managed to pull away then, but admittedly with some difficulty. His heart was literally throbbing at this point. How was he supposed to react to all this anyway?

He turned away once more, and could feel his forehead flaring with embarassment. He felt awkward, overwhelmed, confused...bewildered...

And how wonderful it was...

"You know, you're way too direct..." Hiroki mumbled softly.

"Do you hate direct people?" Nowaki asked.

"No, I'm just not used to it."

But Hiroki stifled a gasp as he was embraced from behind once more, and the low, seducing voice of Nowaki echoed through him once more.

"Then allow me to get you used to it.

"If you've always been the one loving, then it's time for you to be loved for once...by me."

_What should I do?_ Hiroki thought desperately. _Akihiko has always been the one I loved...but now..._

"I love you."

Hiroki stiffened, heart pounding harder.

"Hiro-san, I love you."

_It's all your fault._

_You're hands are just too damned warm..._

"I really do love you Hiro-san. So please, fall in love with me as well."

Before Hiroki could realize what was happening, he'd simply given in. The warmth of Nowaki's body had filled him up, eased the ache of his heart. Was slowly putting the pieces together again.

Before he fully understood it himself, he and Nowaki were climbing into bed. Nowaki kissing his neck, undoing his shirt buttons carefully. Hiroki completely gave himself to the passion rising within his heart. Akihiko would always be an important part of him, but somehow, he was starting to reopen the closed door in his heart that Akihiko's rejection had sealed. Somehow, the key he thought would always remain lost, Nowaki was reaching out for; grasping in his large, warm hands...

Hiroki lay down on the bed, Nowaki resting that hand lovingly over his. Hiroki could'nt even give name to these feelings anymore. They were threatening to make him burst wide open, tear him slowly apart. As Nowaki tenderly made love to him, one thought swept across Hiroki's mind over and over again.

_Nowaki means typhoon. And even before I'd realized it, I had been completely swept away._

End of chapter 4!

I'm sorry if this has been a little drawn out. I like to take some time writing these.

** Also, someone pointed out in the review section that they always wanted a Junjou Romantica novel version, and I just felt the need to say that the original publication of JR was as a light novel series/manga is simply my take on the anime version from the different perspectives of the characters. For anyone whose interested in the actual Light Novel series, I'm relatively sure they are available in English on Amazon. Just thought I'd point this out to anyone who's curious. I haven't read them myself, but I'm sure they ROCK! (Also, I would'nt reccomend downloading the novels from online because I tried it myself, and my computer was almost infected. Just putting that out as a warning...)

Anyways plz review!


	5. Chapter 5

**Nowaki's Perspective**

_Hiro-san is so amazing..._

Nowaki was in a daze of happiness; the morning after the incredible night he and Hiro-san had shared the night before, he could hardly think straight. He was at work at the flower shop, but every thought that passed through his mind was about Hiro-san. Images from the evening before drifted in and out of his mind; the way Hiro-san had lay down, his bare perfect flesh exposed to Nowaki, who had never imagined he would ever be allowed to touch that sacred flesh. But Hiroki had. He had given himself to Nowaki, and it was the most incredible thing either of them had ever shared, and probably would ever share.

Nowaki was beyond bliss or euphoria, recalling every perfect, indescribable feeling they had experienced that night. He could barely focus on the mechanical motions of his hands as he put together the flower bouquets for the customers. How could he be expected to think of work when his greatest dream had just come true the night before?

Behind him, his co-worker Kohara-san had just finished putting together a lavish bouquet of pink roses, their silky petals still shimmering with dew. It was the most beautiful arrangement that Nowaki had seen in a long time, and he could'nt help but be impressed.

"Finally! It's done!" Kohara-san exclaimed, lifting the expensive looking bouquet for Nowaki to see.

"Oh, it's gorgeous!" Nowaki exclaimed.

"Yep! I put everything I got into it! And I threw in 20% more flowers, no extra charge!" Kohara boasted happily, being rather proud of his job.

"Is it a delivery? I'll take it for you." Nowaki offered.

"Nope. No need for that." Kohara-san said.

"Pick up then?" Nowaki guessed, but then he saw his co-worker smile strangely and pass the large, heavenly scented bundle towards him.

"Actually, it for you Nowaki-san."

Nowaki's mouth almost dropped open. Who would be sending him flowers?

"Now, let's see...says here it's from Kamijou Hiroki-kun from the Bunkyo District. Oh, and there's a message too. Let's see..."Congratulations on passing the Proficiency exam etc." At this, Kohara's face furrowed in confusion. "Et cetera? That's a little brief. Not very sentimental a fellow is he? Is he a friend of yours Nowaki?"

But Nowaki wouldn't reply, he was too busy digging his nose into the bouquet like a child might and inhaling the sweet aroma of the flowers and thinking of his precious, beloved, perfect, wonderful, amazing Hiro-san.

He was antsy the rest of the day until he finally got off work, at which point he made a straight dash for Hiro-san's apartment. He raced down the street, flowers in hand, up the front steps of the complex nd didn't even bother knocking on the door. He charged in, excited and panting and probably grinning like a total fool.

"Oh Hiro-san!" He gushed. "I got your flowers! They're beautiful!"

Hiroki was sitting at the table, not even looking at Nowaki, though he appeared a bit flustered; as though he had been anticipating this whole situation and preparing for it. Now his face was dug into a rather lengthy volume, (which Nowaki noticed with a smile was upside-down, indicating it had been picked up hastilly.) And he was talking to Nowaki with his eyes fixed away.

"It's just a BOUQUET exam student! Don't let it get to your head! You just qualified yourself to TAKE the real exam! You haven't passed it yet! So let me tell you now it's only going to get a lot tougher from here on in-"

Nowaki didn't even bother letting him finish; he couldn't even hold himself back. He knelt beside his Hiro-san and took him into his arms, holding him as tightly to him as he could. His heart was close to bursting and he wanted Hiro-san to know just how close it was.

"Hiro-san..." He whispered. "I'm so happy I think I might die!"

He felt a sigh of resignation move through Hiro-san's body, but no effort to push him away, and Nowaki just stayed there, holding his precious Hiro-san close to him, thinking of the life they would build together and the joys they would share. At that moment in time, Nowaki became absolutely resolute about one thing, and this would never change.

_I would do anything for Hiro-san..._

_Anything..._

**Hiroki's Perspective**

***Six Years Later***

"Dear Hiro-san. How are you? I will be returning to Japan on a plane ariving at Narita airport on May 30th at 4 PM."

Hiroki was crouched on his living room floor, staring with wide, weary, and unbelieving eyes at these words, supposedly scrawled by Nowaki himself, on the back of a tacky American postcard at 5:00 in the evening.

_A postcard? Seriously? Why the fuck should I care WHEN he gets back? He fuckin ditched me without even telling me!_

Indeed, Hiroki was furious, enraged even. He had been dating Nowaki for a total of six years now, and THIS happens?

_When I see him again, he's gonna pay!_

And indeed, he would. In fact, what was soon to occur, little did Hiroki know, would be one of the greatest trials their relationship would ever face.

Sorry it ends briefly! Will be continued soon!


	6. Chapter 6

Authors Note: Hello everyone

I know I said I was going to continue this story with the last part I posted, and I know it's been forever since I updated. For those of you who were left hanging, I apologize. I will try to update this more regularly from now on until it's done.

so, as always, please enjoy! (and again, sorry)

***Hiroki's Perspective***

Hiroki entered the crowded bustling building with a scowl across his face, and one single objective in mind

To find Nowaki

And kick his ass.

The day of Nowaki's arrival back home had finally arrived, and now Hiroki was skulking through Narita Airport, scanning the perimeter of the large central area for any sign of Nowaki's stupid hulking form. Hiroki had been debating on whether or not he could even dare face Nowaki after the year long absence without murdering him on the spot. (Or worse.) But after a long while of thought he'd resolved to confront Nowaki at the airport, even running the possible risk losing control and killing him.

Hiroki frowned as the time of Nowaki's planes arrival passed, and he saw no sign of the moron anywhere. A young mother passed by him, carrying her three year old son in her arms. He saw Hiroki and attempted a rather close impression of Hiroki's scowling face and then laughed and laughed as he and his mother boarded their plane. This made Hiroki cringe. Was his fury that noticable?

However, Hiroki's building sense of self-conciousness evaporated at the sight of a familiar form, kneeling a few feet away from him, appearing to be trying to tie his shoes.

_There he is._

Hiroki felt a burning sensation creep up his throat as he slowly advanced towards the man. He could feel that swelling, helpless anger build itself up inside him, just as it had done so many times during Nowaki's absence, until it threatened to bring him to his knees. But Hiroki managed to cross the busy room without breaking down, until he stood towering over the kneeling man. The man who had abandoned him for an entire year. The man who had just gone and thrown him away. For his own ambitions. His own dreams.

Hiroki felt ready to slit his damned throat. If only he'd remembered his knife.

Then Nowaki looked up at him.

Those eyes, brimming with innocent confusion, tore what remained of Hiroki's heart to shreds. It was completely clear, in that one look, that Nowaki was totally, utterly ignorant to what he had put Hiroki through for all that time. Hiroki was baffled by the ignorance; stifled by the stupidity.

"Hiro-san?"

That did it. Hiroki had been momentarily stunned by the complete naivety of Nowaki's gaze, but just hearing him say the intimate abbreviation of his first name, the name he'd used for the six years they'd dated...after all that time...that unfroze him. The anger that had been boiling and simmering within his chest threaten to erupt in an explosion of blows and curses, but somehow, Hiroki managed to control that anger. Taking a deep, calming breath...

"Nowaki..." He began slowly. "You...You..."

The control was gone.

"IDIOT!"

With absolutely no restraint whatsoever he brought the heel of his foot crashing down on Nowaki's giant stupid skull. Then, propelled by what little sense remained inside of him, the part that knew if he didn't get away, he might actually continue the assault, he raced away, hearing the cries and gasps of the shocked onlookers around him. He didn't even look back. Didn't even look to see if Nowaki was pursuing him. He felt better. He needed that. He deserved that. He had nothing to regret.

So why was he crying again?

_He was my lover._

Hiroki was sitting on a city subway heading back towards his sect of Tokyo.

Well, technically, they hadn't broken up yet so "was" might not have been the proper word. But it didn't matter. It was over. Had been over. Nowaki had practically ended it himself.

_What kind of lover leaves without a word and vanishes for an entire year?_

Hiroki could'nt even begin to fathom it. It was so completely unreasonable. Irrational.

_That's right, that stupid moronic Kusama Nowaki left to go study abroad in the U.S without saying a word about it to me..._

Just the thought of it made Hiroki want to punch something...or someone. The idea of just being left behind in the dark with no contact for an entire year from his supposed "lover." And Nowaki, the dumbass, coming back and having the nerve to utter in that oh-so-timid-and clueless voice, "Hiro-san?" He was such a dumbass it was actually frightening.

_He's always been like this; ever since we first started going out! He says he wants to go to University for social work, so I focus on teaching him the humanitites...but then he up and goes to a national MEDICAL school!"_

"A freaking science!" Hiroki fumed out loud to no one. Just thinking about it was fueling his simmering rage. He then pulled the Nowaki's cheap, now wrinkled postcard from his pocket, where it had been sitting crumpled up for the past five hours. He smoothed it out and studyed it. Just the sight of Nowaki's handwriting enraged him.

_When...where...what the hell have you been doing all this time? Dammit...I've never met anyone this incomprehensibly irrationial before!_

Without a second he balled up the postcard at the subway reached his stop, and he waled out with the crumpled ball wadded in his hands.

_It's just been six years of this, over and over again. I was right to kick him in the head._

And he was. He knew it. This had been the final straw. The mounting frustration of dealing with a lover who seemed unfathomably stupid and who only seemed to care about himself. It had all been culminating to this. Hiroki felt great about ending it. Satisfied he would'nt have to put up with the bullshit anymore.

_I can break up with him now...without a single regret._

_Bastard deserves it._

Yet even so, as he reached towards a garbage can to throw away the ruined postcard; something stopped Hiroki's hand. Instead, he pocketed it once again, and soundlessly left the station.

_He deserves it..._

***Nowaki's Perspective***

_Hiro-san...sounded so angry..._

A perplexed Nowaki was seated in an almost deserted subway car, still rubbing his throbbing skull. His mind was a scrambled mess by the time he'd boarded the subway, and it was hard to think when a painful bruise was blooming where your lover had just unmercilously struck you. Through the haze of his mind he recalled the shocked expressions of all the witnesses to the incident. Someone had even threatened to call the police, but Nowaki had stopped him, explaining that it hadn't been a stranger...but someone he'd known...known very well in fact.

Someone he loved very much

It was hard to even imagine Hiroki would ever want to hurt him, and he could'nt fathom why Hiroki had felt such a need to strike him in public like that...and when he was just returning home from America too.

_What had he been thinking? Why was he so angry at me? What did I do?_

Nowaki sighed. Hiroki had always been a bit...hot-headed...but he'd never done something like that. His violence against Nowaki was limited mostly to tossing heavy textbooks at his head, but they usually missed anyway. No. Something was wrong. Terribly wrong. But what?

Nowaki tried to clear his mind and figure out where to go from there as he headed towards his apartment. He glanced at the mailbox that had been untouched for a year, brushing a few dead leaves off the surface and smiling wistfully. He and walked up the stairs to the door of his complex. His hand wandered to his back pocket where he kept his house key and froze; it wasn't there. Suddenly frantic, he patted his other pants pockets and, when he didn't feel the familiar texture of the key, he dug through his suitcase, thinking he might have accidentally stuffed it in while he was finishing packing, but it was useless. The key was gone. Head pounding, Nowaki began to dial the number of his landlord, hoping desperately he could stop by and open the door for him, but after five rings, the voice message system activated, and Nowaki hung up.

He exhaled sharply and, seeing nothing else he could do, plopped down on his bulky, loaded suitcase. Great, on top of being assaulted by the man he loved, he was now locked out of his house. Well, what the hell was he supposed to do now? Stay in a motel for ther night? The thought of this made Nowaki's mind painfully flicker to the times when he had stayed overnight at Hiroki's apartment. Hiroki would always drink too much and say embarassing things, and Nowaki would always smile and tell him to go to bed and sleep it off. On most than one of these occassions, they would end up curling in bed together_, _Nowaki holding the beautiful snoring Hiroki in his arms, who had been too drunk to resist his embrace...

The memories made Nowaki's heart ache, and all the more desperate for the explanation to Hiroki's outburst. He was deeply hurt by the whole affair, more than anything else and...he wanted to see Hiro-san. Hold him...tell him how much he'd missed him...all the things he'd been planning to do when he returned home. But what could he do now?

There seemed to be only one thing he could do.

_I have to go to him..._

Just like that, Nowaki's mind was made up. He didn't have any second thoughts about the matter. He stood up and took hold of his suitcase handle and began to pull it away. A part of him was concerned about how Hiroki would react on seeing him again so soon after his violent outburst at the airport, but that didn't matter. He knew would have to face Hiroki sooner or later anyway. It might as well be sooner.

_Hiro-san...I don't know why you are so mad, but I'll sort this out between us. It's going to take more than a kick to drive me away from you..._

_Hiro-san..._


	7. Chapter 7

***Hiroki's Perspective***

Hiroki stopped dead in his tracks. He'd just arrived back to his apartment complex and was about to bury himself in his bedsheets and fall asleep, when suddenly he was face to face with the Bastard himself; Kusama Nowaki, waiting right outside his door.

_This can't be happening..._

Nowaki saw him, and stood up. He looked tired and worn out, as though he had been walking for awhile. He looked just about ready to crash.

_Don't say anything. Just keep cool. He must be delirious or something coming back here so fast..._

Hiroki wordlessly walked towards his front door, avoiding Nowaki's focused, yet neutral gaze. Hiroki actually saw his lips curl into a small smile. _If he tries to touch me I'll wipe that damn smile off his face._

"Sorry. I thought I'd wait here for you.."

"Something you want?" Hiroki replied in a totally flat voice, as he fished for his key in his pocket.

"May I stay here tonight?" He asked, rather boldly. "I lost the key to my apartment, and I can't seem to get in touch with my landlord..."

_Serves you right, bastard._

Hiroki said nothing, but didn't shut the door behind him. Nowaki, knowing Hiroki as well as he did, took that as a hint that he could stay.

_I don't like it...but I guess I can't just leave him._

"Sorry to intrude." Nowaki added modestly, as he took his suitcase and pulled it inside the threshhold.

As soon as Hiroki sat down, he took a slug of water from his water bottle and opened a newspaper, not so much as giving a second glance at Nowaki, who stood awkwardly in the doorway.

_Let's see what he tries to say..."_

"Hiro-san..." He began. "I want to apologize for not contacting you until now...I sent you a postcard shortly after I arrived in the U.S. You got it, didn't you?"

Hiroki didn't answer, seething. _So much for my "lost at the post office" theory. He really never sent a single letter._

"So, what prompted you to go all the way to America anyway?" He asked casually.

"Huh? I told you." Nowaki replied. "Their pedriatic medicine is advanced in a lot of ways, so I went to study..."

_First time I'm hearing about it._

Then, Hiroki heard the crinkle of a paper bag being placed beside him. "I got you a souvenir." Nowaki said, in a soft voice. It was obvious how desperate he was for Hiroki to at least look at him, but Hiroki stood his ground.

"Thanks." He said briefly, eyes still on his paper.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Nowaki look towards the doorway. _Is the bastard finally going to take a hint?_

"Would it be all right if I used your shower? I haven't bathed in three days so..."

"Go right ahead." Hiroki replied, his voice flat. As soon as he saw Nowaki retreat, he picked up the bag.

_Nowaki, you idiot. If you had time to buy me some measly trinket, why didn't you give me a single phone call?_

Hiroki opened the bag and pulled out a small panda figurine holding a tiny American flag. It was cute, but it only pissed off Hiroki more.

_I'm not saying you should never leave me, or go study abroad, I'm just shocked that I was the only one who didn't know..."_

"Hiro-san! I'm sorry, but what happened to your hot water?" Nowaki suddenly called from the bathroom.

"Hell should I know!" Hiroki called back angrilly, slamming down the figurine in frustration. Suddenly, a twinge of sadness shot through him like an arrow.

_At least show some remorse, you moron!_

He heard the water turn off, then a few hollow footsteps, and then a sentence that finally made him turn around.

"I'll leave."

"Huh?" Hiroki spun around to look at him.

"I'm sorry I imposed on you like this?"

_He-he's just going to leave! _ "L-leave? And go where?" Hiroki stuttered.

"Oh its fine. I'll figure out something." Nowaki said, trying to sound reassuring. "You seem to be busy now anyway, so I'll come back another time. Goodbye."

Hiroki watched as his hand landed on the handle, and a sense of pure panic rushed through his veins, fueled his movements, made his legs function as his heart nearly burst.

_No! Don't go! Not again!"_

**SLAM.**

Hiroki had launched himself against the door, and now held it closed with his one outstretched hand. His forehead was tilted forward against Nowaki's broad back, and he could'nt reclaim control of his muscles. It was though he was frozen in place. Except for his heart, which was pounding madly.

_God...look at me...I must look like a fool...but I just could'nt watch him leave again..._

Nowaki said nothing, nor did he move. Hiroki felt the dampness of his back on his forehead. He realized how hot and exhausting the long walk from his apartment to Hiroki's must have been, and he felt the tears threaten to seize him.

_Time and again I'd considered moving...but I never did because of this tiny hope...that if I stayed...you would come back...straight back here...to me..._

**Nowaki's Perspective**

_Hiro-san?_

Hiroki was holding the door closed, not saying a word. It was clear he was embarassed it. Saying this wasn't like him would be the understatement of the century.

But it was happening. Hiroki had stopped him from leaving.

Originally he had simply planned to come back when Hiroki was in a better mood, and he seemed as though he hadn't felt like talking anyway, so why did he do this now?

_Is it because...he really didn't want me to go?_

_Does this mean...he will forgive me for whatever I did?_

"Hiro-san..." Nowaki muttered in a voice lower than a whisper. He reached out and rested a hand against Hiroki's, who still didn't say anything. But he didn't pull his hand away either.

_His hand...it's cold._

_I'll warm him up..._

With a burst of courage he pulled Hiroki from behind him and trapped him against the door, kissing him fiercely. Rather than resisting as he might have normally, Hiroki moaned and clutched Nowaki's shirt. Nowaki moved closer to him, suddenly taking the hand that held the black cloth of his shirt and threading his fingers through it. It felt so wonderful to hold Hiroki's hand again. So perfect. So right. The two of them slid to the floor, Nowaki wrapping his arms around his beautiful Hiroki.

"Oh Hiro-san...I missed you!" He whispered while, against his better instincts, sliding a hand underneath Hiroki's shirt. He heard Hiroki gasp, and suddenly push him away.

"Don't you joke with me dammit!" He cried, but Nowaki caught his arm and gazed into his eyes.

"Hiro-san."

He moved closer to him, as Hiroki tried to turn away from his lips, but Nowaki knew Hiroki better. He could practically feel his spirit about to crack with need. He lifted his hand up to Hiroki's face and slowly turned it back towards his. Their lips met softly at first, but soon the kiss became more passionate and unrestrained. Niether of them could hold back anymore. Nowaki was so happy, so relieved. So blissful, holding his beautiful Hiro-san close to him. It looked as though everything would finally go back to the way it should be.


End file.
